“I’m coming home
I’m coming home
Tell the world I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world that I’m coming…” – Dirty Money
It’s official. I’m heading back home. It feels like it’s been forever since I left that world behind, but now its somewhere I feel I need to be….even if just for a couple of days.
When I left Terre Haute, I was leaving a world of hurt behind me. I had just buried my dad…the only person who ever loved me unconditionally my entire life. I was a lost child searching for meaning. I had always promised him I would get out of there someday, and I wanted to live up to that promise. Deep down it was the best decision I could have ever made to an extent. If I had stayed there the pain of everything that had ever happened to me would have torn me apart. So much pain lives in my memories there.
But….I often miss the simplicity of it all.
Living in the city isn’t so bad, I suppose. There’s access to pretty much anything and everything you could ever want, but I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t miss being surrounded by farm land with acres of corn, cows, chickens, etc. I’ve often thought about packing up the kids and moving back to where I came from, but with simplicity also comes a lot of closed mindedness. I remember the hatred there. The bigotry. The racism. And I will shelter my kids from that as much as I possibly can.
My trip is in a little over two weeks, and I’m only staying for two days…but this is a major step for me. I’m facing my fears and returning home. It has taken me years to get to this point, but I know that once I get there I’ll have the love of my cousin Christie to get me through it. I can do this.